20. Thou shalt not kill, but God can and so can you in the name of god. ==>
   20.6. God is a Baby Killer and Murderer ==>
     20.6.1. Thou Shalt Not Kill - But God Can ==> Trivial Reasons for God's Killings


All of the killings by God were for fairly trivial reasons. Here, all in one spot, are the 8 most ridiculously petty reasons for loss of human life in the bible


God kills a man for collecting sticks on the Sabbath. (Numbers 15:32-36)



And while the children of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man that gathered sticks upon the sabbath day. [...] And the LORD said unto Moses, The man shall be surely put to death: all the congregation shall stone him with stones without the camp. [...] And all the congregation brought him without the camp, and stoned him with stones, and he died; as the LORD commanded Moses.

Now if youve read the bible, you know that working on the sabbath is one of the sins punishable by death. But is collecting firewood (what this man was doing) really worth killing somebody over?


God kills two sons of Aaron for offering him a strange fire. (Leviticus 10:1-3)




And Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron, took either of them his censer, and put fire therein, and put incense thereon, and offered strange fire before the LORD, which he commanded them not. And there went out fire from the LORD, and devoured them, and they died before the LORD.


Aaron was the brother of Moses and the first High Priest. The sons of Aaron were doing their duties as priests, preparing the censers with glowing coals and incense. When they went before the presence of the Lord, they were immediately smitten by God in front of Aaron and many people of the community. What exactly is a strange fire? Whatever it is, its probably not something worth killing someone over.


God kills Onan for pulling out and spilling his seed. (Genesis 38:8-10)



And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brothers wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother. And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brothers wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.

Apparently this is where Catholics and other Christians get the notion that birth control and masturbation are sinful. And if God is willing to kill people over it, then were all freakin screwed!


God kills 14,700 people for complaining about God killing people! (Numbers 16:49)



But on the morrow all the congregation of the children of Israel murmured against Moses and against Aaron, saying, Ye have killed the people of the LORD. [...] Now they that died in the plague were fourteen thousand and seven hundred, beside them that died about the matter of Korah.


Oh shit, perhaps I shouldnt be writing this list! Luckily Im not complaining in this post, Im just pointing out what the bible says. So when you post a comment, remember not to complain about all these killings!


God kills 50,070 people for looking into the Ark of the lord. (1 Samuel 6:19)



And he smote the men of Bethshemesh, because they had looked into the ark of the LORD, even he smote of the people fifty thousand and threescore and ten men: and the people lamented, because the LORD had smitten many of the people with a great slaughter.


The Ark contained some sacred relics, such as the Ten Commandments and Aarons rod and manna. Whats funny about this one is many bible scholars will say that only a few people looked into the Ark, but the surrounding community was punished. A few people peering at the the very objects that God tells you that you MUST follow. Now is that really worthy of slaughtering 50,070 people?


God kills Uzzah for touching the Ark. (2 Samuel 2:6)




And when they came to Nachons threshingfloor , Uzzah put forth his hand to the ark of God, and took hold of it; for the oxen shook it. And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Uzzah; and God smote him there for his error; and there he died by the ark of God.

This verse mentions Gods anger, which I think is fitting. Uzzah was attempting to prevent the Ark from falling off the cart it was on. Did that make any difference to God? Well obviously not!


God commands bears to kill 42 children. (2 Kings 2:23-24)



[...] little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and twochildren of them.


Some kids made fun of Elishas bald head. So god commanded a couple of bears to rip them to shreds. Great family values we got going on here. I guess kids will be kids need not apply in biblical times? Also, it appears Stephen Colbert was right; Bears really are a threat!


God kills a baby because David blasphemed. (2 Samuel 12:14-18)




[...] because by this deed thou hast given great occasion to the enemies of the LORD to blaspheme, the child also that is born unto thee shall surely die. [...] And the LORD struck the child that Uriahs wife bare unto David, and it was very sick. [...] And it came to pass on the seventh day, that the child died.

To kill an innocent child is absolutely despicable, no matter what the circumstances. How can you even defend this one? According to the bible itself, God is literally a baby-killer. Whats also sickening is in the verses leading up to this, Davids neighbors are commanded to rape his wife in front of the rest of the community. One of the neighbors is Davids own son!